Sine qua non
by redpurpleblack
Summary: There's something missing, and she can't understand what is it exactly. / Based on a prompt from Dragon Age Kink Meme: Calpernia & Samson post-Inquisition.


Title: _Sine qua non_

Fandom: _Dragon Age_

Characters/Pairings: Calpernia, Samson; Sampernia

Rating: T

Warnings: mild spoilers for _Trespasser_. References to _Paying the Ferryman_

Summary: There's something missing, and she can't understand what is it exactly. / Based on a prompt from Dragon Age Kink Meme: Calpernia & Samson post-Inquisition.

Disclaimer: _Dragon Age_ is not mine.

* * *

It felt like a dream. Calpernia can't quite believe she's back in Tevinter. Amazingly enough it's no dream, it's all vividly real. Her mind is filled with something akin to happiness, so she allows herself to pretend she truly is happy.

 _Home_ , her magic sings as she walks down the streets of Minrathous, sensing great powers that has been part of this country for ages.

 _Home_. The word has a strange taste, leaving her confused. She wants to agree but there's something missing, and she can't understand what is it exactly.

Everything is so familiar yet so different. She used to dream of the day she returns to the Imperium, restoring her homeland to its former glory with the help of Corypheus. No more chains, the old Tevinter reborn. Now, however, her god is dead and Calpernia is alone once again.

But not helpless.

She served the Elder One, it's true, but she was also doing so much more. Calpernia never thought she'd meet the ones she freed again, or that they would remember her. And yet she receives letters and hastily written notes from former slaves who thank her. Sometimes they want to meet her only to express their undying gratitude. She's not sure how to feel about it, after all she simply gave them what they deserved – their right to live like people not objects.

She has more connections than she could dream of, making her goal of uniting Tevinter so much easier. If the slaves already understand the Imperium needs change, it's a matter of time to make the rich and powerful to see it as well. And if they won't listen… Well, it's sufficient to say that Calpernia is ready for a revolution this country deserves.

It's good, being here in Minrathous, being free. Perhaps not entirely free, she works for the Inquisition now. The difference is that there's no master raising a stick if she dares to be late, so she takes her time, spending her first day walking around, doing nothing in particular.

She goes to the marketplace, and it all seems almost too much. So many goods, shiny jewels, expensive robes. And _books_ ; so many books Calpernia wonders if it's even possible to read them all. Later she buys three heavy volumes she doesn't truly need but _wants_ to buy, and inhales the scent of paper and ink, this amazing smell she never knew she missed.

Her promises to be more reasonable are hollow, as the next day she buys yet another tome because she simply _must_ , then more figs and sweets. Upon returning to her place she ponders if she has gone mad with her newly found freedom.

Even if it is not _true_ freedom, she's not free like kings, queens or the great and powerful of this world, it's enough for her. It _seems_ enough. For now.

When Calpernia comes back to a small room she currently occupies, her feet are sore but she can't stop smiling, joy blooming in her mind. She quickly changes to more comfortable robes. Her hair is loose in blond ripples down her back from the long braids.

And yet the initial bliss is disrupted by a slight confusion, slowly creeping from the back of her mind, tainting more and more of her thoughts. It's like there's something missing, and she's not entirely sure what exactly. She looks around expecting the answer to her unspoken question simply appear, but the room is silent just like her mind. The crackling of flames in the fireplace seems almost too loud.

Then her eyes move to a crystal laying on a table near a pile of books. It's as big as an orange, azure blue. Made by dwarves, surely, and worth a small fortune. It was kind of Dorian to gift her with this incredible invention. "To make your life easier," he told her, and she could swear he _winked_ at her. To this day Calpernia isn't sure what she should think of Dorian Pavus winking at her. It's not like they were suddenly best friends. Associates, maybe. He has a good taste in literature, she has to admit.

Her heart skips a beat when she looks at the crystal more closely. Its faint glow indicates there's someone waiting to communicate with her. She activates it in a blink of an eye, and only when she hears words coming from the other side she realises she's holding her breath. She exhales slowly and listens with anticipation.

"Just when I thought you're having a wild party with other Vints…"

Samson's voice sounds a bit odd but it's only because they're communicating like this, though magical crystals. He's on the other side of the world, all the way back in Skyhold, but she can hear him clearly like he was standing right next to her. The fact that he's not makes her uneasy.

"I went to the marketplace…" she hurriedly says, then bites her tongue noticing she sounds like an embarrassed teenager who has to explain why she's late for a dinner with her parents.

"How many books did you buy this time?" Samson asks, and she's certain he's got that smug smile on his face.

"Why do you care? Can you even read?" Calpernia has to admit it's not the wittiest response but it has to work for now.

When she hears Samson laugh, something inside her starts to ache, and the feeling of missing something threatens to overwhelm her. Calpernia shakes her head. She won't get distracted.

"Anyway, how are your favourite magisters doing?"

She scoffs. "Dorian Pavus and Maevaris Tilani aren't exactly popular here, especially now, when they openly talk about reforming this country. Obviously other nobles are _not_ happy about it."

"You can always set the whole Magisterium on fire. That would teach them."

Calpernia can't help but smile. "As tempting as it sounds... Making them fear me, that would be simple. Simplicity is not always the best option. I need them to _respect_ me."

"I'm sure you'll think about something."

Of course she will. There's no collar on her neck, no master waiting to punish her. She will not fail.

"Tevinter has many faces. They see the Imperium from a certain perspective, which is significantly different than mine. If we work together, we may finally see and understand the whole picture."

At least that's the plan. Calpernia would never thought about working with magisters. But Mae and Dorian are so different than the magisters she knew, Calpernia is glad they are the ones trying to reform this country. She needs more people to see that without change Tevinter will crumble.

Obviously they disagree on certain matters, Dorian tends to be infuriating, but their alliance is stable and strong. They speak openly, showing their faces to the magisters. She works in the shadows. For now. One day the whole Imperium will see what a slave can do to save her country.

Calpernia looks back at the crystal. Talking like this is convenient, and certainly better than sending letters, but she'd like to get back to Skyhold for a little while, just to...

She hasn't seen him in eight weeks and six days, not that she's been counting, of course not. She shakes her head and pretends she doesn't miss him at all.

"Did you go to the archives?"

Hearing the question Calpernia blinks in surprise. She didn't expect him to remember this one insignificant thing she briefly mentioned last time they spoke. And yet he somehow knows it's important to her.

Samson can easily hide his emotions, but she learned to notice certain details indicating his true intentions. Every time he speaks of Kirkwall his eyes change, although Samson's good at pretending he's not missing that place. She's certain he can easily read her emotions as well. As much as she'd like to speak to him face to face, the fact that he can't see her right now brings her some sort of relief.

"I did," Calpernia replies, hoping she sounds neutral.

"Did you find what you need?"

His eyes would tell her what she can't quite hear in his voice.

"Not yet," she says, glancing at a parchment next to the crystal. "It's... complicated. I need more time," she adds and stops, realising she doesn't have to explain herself.

But it would feel good, telling Samson something more than a carefully chosen set of words masking the truth. At times there's this odd aching somewhere in her chest reminding her that all the things left unsaid between them seem to weigh more and more with each passing day.

"I'm looking for... an old friend. It'll take time."

She can say this much. There's no need to tell him about her worries. It's her burden, not his.

Is it even possible to find one person she hasn't seen in ages? She doesn't even know if he's still alive. He may be dead, and she could send years trying to find what's left of him.

This very thought wakes up a sorrow so immense she thinks the weight of it would crush her. Her breath gathers in her throat, threatening to suffocate her.

It's time to change the topic. "And how's the arcanist?"

She hears him groan, and similes a little. She's sure Samson is rolling his eyes.

"Enthusiastic as always," he lets out a sigh. "You'd think after two years she's had enough of studying red lyrium, but no. She won't shut about yet another fascinating thing she discovered," he lets out a pained sigh. "I almost miss the old days when nobody was talking to me because I was the evil templar. I could just sit all day in my cell, and there was no perky dwarves asking me countless questions about every little detail..."

The Inquisition still keeps him on a leash, but at least now Samson has proven useful. He is considered their ally, obviously not officially. Some time ago Calpernia met with Alexius. Also Grand Duchess Florianne is one of the Inquisition's agents. It seems that the Inquisitor likes giving people second changes.

"Varric Tethras published a new book," says Samson in a tone so innocent Calpernia instantly becomes suspicious. He always uses this particular tone to tell her something that is going to infuriate her.

"Does he still have time to write?" she asks, deciding to play along.

"It seems so. Everyone's talking about this one."

"Is it as terrible as everything else this dwarf's written?"

"You may like it. He included a certain Tevinter mage with a troubled past. She's very feisty. If I remember correctly, Varric described her as, and I quote, _short but angry_."

It takes all her willpower to resist the temptation of grabbing this damned crystal and smashing it to pieces. Calpernia balls her hands into fists, forcing her magic to stay calm.

She'll go to the market tomorrow, buy a copy of Varric's book, and burn it to ashes after she reads it herself. Once she's done with reforming Tevinter, she'll travel all the way to Kirkwall. Viscount or not, she'll slap that arrogant little dwarf and threaten to burn his chest hair if he even thinks about mocking her in his novels again.

And of course _this_ is something Samson tells her! Not the latest news about the Inquisition, or what in the void is happening to him (not that she's worried). Instead he chose to tell her about Varric's book, that fool.

"Perhaps Varric should add a chapter about this Tevinter mage setting a certain templar on fire?"

"Now, that would be too realistic. Varric likes to write about the impossible, remember?"

"Oh, I do," she snorts. Even after she made the mistake of reading all his novels, Calpernia never understood their popularity.

Then Samson says something that makes her forget about Varric's book.

"Read one of the books you bought for me. Can be something about mages."

It's just a coincidence, he can't possibly know what these words mean to her. Calpernia feels her whole body tremble as distant memories flood her mind. If she closed her eyes, she would see the library, so many old books she learned to understand and love. She would see _him_ , the only person who showed her kindness even though she was a lowly slave, the man she once considered her friend.

 _He_ never wanted to listen to stories about mages. She didn't know her true potential back then, but now she's a mage herself. What would he think of her? Perhaps he would despise her, because she was one of them, with cursed magic flowing through her veins.

Samson, however… They are both so damaged she never truly realised he always accepted her without any questions, making no demands.

Calpernia stares at the crystal, gasps for air as the aching inside her is almost unbearable.

"You don't have to–" Samson begins with a slight concern in his voice.

"Let me pick something," Calpernia replies. She takes a deep breath, quickly wipes her eyes and reaches for a book.

"I bought the latest edition of _Tevinter Divided_. You see, when Archon Almadrius was assassinated…"

"Don't tell me what's in the book, just read it to me!"

"Then shut up and listen!" Calpernia hisses, grateful she can hide her worry behind their usual bickering.

She opens the book on the first page and starts to read, her voice strong and clear, pretending all her fears are gone.

* * *

A/N: Comments are always appreciated!


End file.
